Holy freaking choices, batman!

Ok so TJ has these 2 great offers from grad schools, one in "M" and one in "B". In a matter of a half hour today, those two got blown outta the water by a third choice; "A". "A" has offered him more money than either of the other two schools, insurance benefits for both health and dental , will pay $500 toward moving costs, a $1500 sign-on bonus, 3 grand a month for doing research there this summer, and are conducting research in the exact field TJ is motivated by, neurodegenerative disorders. Anyone reading this would automatically say "duh, take it now," but there's just one little glitch: me.
I didn't apply to any graduate or hygiene schools there because I didn't even realize it was an option. I don't even know if there are any hygiene or dental schools there. If I get accepted into "B"'s hygiene school, I have a hard time thinking I should say no to that single, 2-year opportunity to start a career. If I passed that up, who knows when I'd be able to finish that. I'd probably have to take a year working some dead end job while applying to schools in the area, if there even is a bachelor's degree program around it, and if there isn't, I'd be on a waiting list at a tech school, which usually runs about 4 years before someone gets called up for it. So then one has to ask the question: Can we do 2 more years long-distance while I finish up my hygiene degree? We've made it this far, and in the long-term rest-of-my-life scheme of things, it's really not that long, but considering we've been long distance for 5.5 years already, I'd like to be in the same freaking side of the planet, let alone state, before too long here. I want him to take "A" though, since it's the perfect set up for him and I don't want him to be held back by me. Normally, I'd almost want to cry at the cruel irony of it all, but by now I've started to just laugh. This kind of stuff seems to happen to me all the time lately and I've run out of tears and above all energy to get upset anymore. Although I'm not exactly bubbling over with excitement about this predicament either...

sideways progress

Things have been getting different lately. Not better, not worse, just different.
On the homefront, I've come up with a better response for when people ask me how living with my mom is going, "Well, my roommate is inconsiderate, and my mom is nowhere to be found." I think that sums it up pretty well. She said to me recently "I am always here for you." to which I replied, "...unless you're at your boyfriend's house." Nothing really new there, just mom being her man-needy self.
As for grad schools, I now know I have been rejected from 4 out of the 6 schools I've applied to. M told me they have a pile 93 apps they're looking at and deciding on by the end of the month, and I'm one of 'em. He said one of 3 letters will be sent out: yes, no, or alternate list. This morning while getting ready, I realized the fact that I couldn't get a yes letter from them; I haven't interviewed there. From what I gathered everywhere, those who got in interviewed first. Which means I'm either getting a no or being stuck into the other purgatory: alternate list. TJ and I have talked a lot about where we're going this August, and unless by some miracle I get an acceptance letter to M, I think we're heading out east. I called the hygiene school I applied to out there and they said I'll hear within the next 2-3 weeks. TJ needs to tell his grad schools where he'll be going before then. He applied to all of his schools after me and got accepted into all of them before I heard my first rejection from the first dent school. Gee, don't I feel great. I'm holding him back because these schools don't send rejection letters soon enough.
Either way, I'm getting ready to move. Whether it be to M or out east, or another option just came up from the south, I want to go. I'm really worried about affording things right now, but I know it will all work out somehow. I should stop in at my bank and ask how loans work, etc. because I don't have a clue. If I am in school next fall, I'll need one anyway, and I'm wondering even if I'm not in school that maybe I should get one so we can survive until I get a decent career off the ground, whatever that may be. My biggest fear is that TJ and I end up like my family and fight over money all the time. There's no evidence to show that that will be the case, but after seeing my parents do that while I was growing up, I don't want it to repeat with me.
I'm visiting TJ's family right now while on spring break. I love being surrounded by family members who don't rely on yelling to get their point across. They are a successful, caring, and supportive family, and I always feel safe coming here. Their house has almost a castle-like feel, that I love finding a room to have all by myself while I just sit and read, or study, or just think.
Ok I've run out of things to talk about, I'm gonna go curl up on the couch and watch Blues Brothers while studying for my A&P exam.

Snow day

Every school in a 50 mile radius is closed today, including all EC schools, with one exception: Mine
After attempting the drive to class and almost hitting a mailbox, garbage can, and a man with a snowplow at the end of his driveway, I've decided not to go to school today. This all occurred within a block of my house at a speed of almost 10 mph. There's a main road on the other side of my block and I'm really curious as to whether or not that's even plowed yet.
I emailed my profs the above information, and decided to catch up on some sleep. Last night we had a wicked thunderstorm that included hail at some god-forsaken hour of the morning, so the combination of that and a severely freaked out big dog sniffing me in the face all night to make sure I was still alive and unable to sleep, kept me from getting some much needed shut-eye. I laid around and watched crappy VH1 shows for a few hours, then decided to shovel.
We used to have a snow blower, but nobody knew how it worked except my dad, so my mom got rid of it for obvious reasons. I put on all my winter gear, overheating in the foyer in the process, and set foot into the garage. I grabbed my shovel determined, with a sole mission in mind: to get rid of all the white crap in the way.
This was before I opened the garage door.
As soon as I saw the blizzard-heap piled before me, I realized this was a very bad idea. I dug my shovel in and found out just how heavy 6 inches of very wet snow was. That, paired with my now extremely overheating bundled up body, told me I couldn't do this for much longer. But I had already started and I knew I had to get something accomplished. I would at least get some kind of a workout out of it. I then looked up and spotted the mailbox. Today was Monday, the mail could come today. I remember from previous years that the mailmen never drove up to the mailbox if you didn't have it shoveled out for them. This became my new mission. I heaved myself a 2-foot wide path to the mailbox and shoveled like a fat man with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. The mailbox was free, the mail can come now. With a glint of satisfaction, I started back towards the house, already knowing that my hard work would be swallowed up by the fast-falling snow in a matter of hours again anyway. So here I sit, peeled out of my snowsuit, arms and back aching, drinking a cup of hot cocoa in front of the fire, watching my trench blend back in with the rest of the white desert out there. Ain't life grand.

what I'm thinking about at this very moment, the abbreviated version...

My thought process of right now:
1. The movie 16 Blocks is really cool, you should go see it.
2. Make sure you don't see it if you have a mild headache, or you will leave with a ginormous one.
3. I feel really sick right now so I'm probably going to bed.
4. I emailed my professors and told them I'm sick tonight, so I might not be in class tomorrow. I added, "If I am sitting in your class tomorrow, please disregard this email, it means I'm feeling better. If I'm absent, it means I am still sick. Thank you."
5. I'm really starting to wonder if that email will suffice.
6. I hope TJ can come to visit next week. Things suck here without him.
7. I'm running out of things to type so now, even though it's only 9:30, I'm gonna get to bed, hopefully without throwing up along the way.
Goodnight everyone.

My family officially sucks

Ok stupid family scenario of the day:

I see a note that says my sister and her boyfriend are going out to dinner on Sunday with mom and her boyfriend. I asked mom "What's going on? , do I get to be in on this 'everyone go out to dinner' thing?"
"No, your sister just wanted it to be without you. "
Great. Everyone's going out to eat, and I'm stuck at home alone with nothing to do and no one to do it with because my sister somehow has the say-all to dictate if I'm allowed to join. Boy do I feel special. They couldn't wait 'til a day when I wouldn't feel extremely excluded? Gee, I don't feel at all purposely left-out. Way to take me into consideration here people, I appreciate the thoughtfulness.

I want to divorce my family.

monotonous

I was bad. I caved. I cheated on lent.
I ate breadsticks last night. I was telling this to my fellow worker last night and said jokingly "...but I'm not actually catholic, so I'm not going to hell for it or anything." Most of the people I work with are lutheran. She just happened to be the one catholic outta the whole bunch. Oops. She didn't seem too offended by it though, and I reinforced that I was just joking about that, so we're all good. Aside from my 2-breadstick falter last night, I've been sticking to eating healthier, and so far it's paid off. I've lost 10 lbs since moving home in January. It's really not hard to do when you don't ever feel like cooking. Can we say instant oatmeal and cereal all the time? I do feel tired a lot though, but I'm blaming that on my being super busy with work, tests, and presentations all going on within this past and current week.
I'm still not happy though. TJ's sounding like he might not be able to come visit me next week anymore. I understand that we're trying to save money for moving, the wedding, etc. but it doesn't mean we should deny seeing each other once a freaking month. I wish it could be more than that, I'm seriously suffering withdrawl here. We had someone come in to work last night wearing a shirt TJ has. I almost cried, I miss him so much. I have to sit here and watch my mother go on date marathons with her boyfriend of 2 months while I, the engaged one, sits at home missing her fiance all but 2 days per month. I haven't seen him since the 10th of February. I hate this. We're trying to figure out moving too and it's getting a little scary. I'm coming up on another "I don't know what's going on" point in my life and I hate losing control over my own future like that. And everyone else has their own lives to worry about, so there's really no one to turn to about it. Ok enough whining. I have to go to class and then study like a geek for the rest of the day before work again. Back to the daily life drone...

failure and family, all easily interchangable

I heard from Chicago yesterday. I didn't really plan on going there anyway, so getting a thin envelope and reading the "unfortunately..." sentence didn't really hurt this time. They were also a lot nicer about things than U of M. U of M made me feel like less of a person for even applying; Chicago offered for me to come and speak with the admissions comittee on what I can do to improve for next year, although I already know what they're gonna say. 4 more dental schools to go and 2 more hygiene before I know what's going on 3 months from now. I'm probably moving by then too. We're not sure where yet, but B-town is looking like a good idea right now. TJ just went there for a grad school "please come to our school" type thing, and sounded really impressed by the city, the people, and above all the program. I still have to hear from that one, but I have two apps sitting there, so the odds of it working out are better than M. I should be studying for my anat and phys test right now, but I really don't feel like it. It's so bad that I even got up on the 2nd from the top rung, you know the "DO NOT STEP HERE" one on a rickety old wooden ladder, just to change the foyer's 6 burnt out lightbulbs. My mother has been neglecting her maintenance stuff so I'm stuck doing it. She even made me put her renewal sticker on her license plate. IT'S A FREAKING STICKER!!! She decided to ditch me tonight to have dinner and hang out with her ex-boy Jimbo. This morning we had a little falling out. She was blaring her radio at 7am while I'm trying to sleep. I have a friend who will refuse to talk to you for the rest of the day if you wake him up before noon, so me wanting a little quiet to sleep at 7 is nothing by comparison. Mom sounded so condescending towards me. I offered her a really easy way to fix it, and her alternative was to repeat the scenario next Sunday, only this time I have to pay attention to what time it is and where in the house (on the floor above me, mind you) she is with the radio at the time. Blink, Blink. Does this sound like a normal thing to anyone else? I didn't think so. 3 months can't come soon enough...

Moving and grooving

This morning I woke up to TJ calling me to tell me he'll probably have to start his research rotations in June. This means I'm moving in mid-May, right after finals, in 2 1/2 months. The biggest problem is we don't even know where we're going yet. I'm still waiting impatiently to hear from schools to figure out what the crap is going on. It seems to be between Milwaukee, Boston, and Ames at this point on TJ's list, and I'm just clueless from my potential point. Hopefully something happens soon. I saw the mailman delivering the mail across the street about a minute ago and was ready to chase his cart down and maul him for our mail today. I can see the headline now..."Mailman Cart Hijacked by Potential Dental Student, Only Mail from One Address Missing."
I went out to the bars with an old high school buddy Ryan last night. Before last friday, I hadn't seen him in about 4 1/2 years, so it was a fun little reunion hang out time we had. We've decided to become bar buddies for the remainder of the semester, so I finally have someone to hang out with instead of sitting at home watching my mom go on marathon date-weeks. I'm not drinking every time I go out. Even for Mardi Gras last night, I had 2 amaretto sours total. I was DD for 2 reasons: 1. I had class this morning and didn't want the hangover and 2. I can't afford to drink. I'm so broke it ain't funny. It'll also keep the calories off of me. I actually fit into my "skinny jeans" again, so now I'm inspired to keep losing the weight and get back to my high school weight. It really shouldn't be that hard to accomplish, I only have to lose 10 lbs to get there. It will be a little tough considering we don't have a scale, but I'd imagine I could see some results with old clothes, etc. Because of this newfound goal, I've decided to give up Olive Garden food for Lent. Yep, you guessed it, the girl who started working at the OG because she likes the food is giving it up for 40 days. Last night I had my 4 Fat Tuesday, last-ones-for-a-long-time breadsticks and today am officially not eating their food. It's not that there's something wrong with it, I just happen to chow down on it every time I'm working, which isn't helping my lose-weight goal. So here we go, day 1. This isn't so hard...