Future...?
TJ and I talked last night a little bit about grad school and future stuff. I'm getting scared. What happens if we don't get into the same place? He had figured, depending who gets into what on our heierarchy of schools, we'd follow each other regardless of if/where we get in. This means if I get into dental school in, let's say Milwaukee, and he only gets into grad school in Iowa, he'd put it off and move in with me 'til I'm done at Marquette. Same goes the other way, if he gets into grad school in Iowa, and I get into hygiene school elsewhere, I follow him and put off hygiene. The thing is, I'm not so sure I want to do that. I do love him and am going to marry him, but I've grown up with my mom drilling it into my head "that taking time off of school is a bad thing"; I didn't even do it when my own dad died. So the idea of putting off my own career goals in order to take a crappy job, but get to be with TJ, leaves me a bit confused. We've been long distance for so long that I'm used to continuing with our own agendas wherever they may be, and that when we're done we'll get to be together, but when is the point that we get "done"? What if where we get job offers isn't the same place, should we stay apart and work 'til we save enough money to move to the same spot? I don't like that idea. And while I agree that it's nice to have someone there to support the relationship while each of us is in grad school, I have a harder time getting used to the idea of the first one being me. From a woman's point of view, if we want to have children by the time I'm 30, I want to be finished with all of the schooling I'm going to do by then, which at the rate I'm going means I can't take time off to be the supporter. Ideally, we'd both get into the same place or I'd get into dental school, finish that in 4 years, then we could maybe start a family while TJ's in grad school without my juggling pregnancy and classes. Maybe I'm just being selfish, I just never really thought of this before. The other thing is that if we're apart while we're both in separate grad schools...I don't know what will happen. I say it again, I love him and am going to marry him. We've been long distance most of our relationship through now, but how long is it too long for long distance? I don't want to have to spend 7 1/2 years of our then 9 year relationship apart. We're already 3 1/2 years absent of our 5 years together. Are we ready? Maybe I"m just worrying about nothing, but I'm not sure if we should start thinking about this now and come up with a plan, or wait until we know for sure and then scurry to figure out what to do as it's happening. I hate not knowing.
posted by kitty Cat | 12:02 PM
6 Comments:
Cathy,
I would not worry about it until the day comes. I also don't think that either one of you should give up your goals for the other one based on the location of your grad schools. You can't live with the "what if's" in your relationship. You do have the rest of your lives to spend together. I wouldn't want to live with the "well, I had to put off my college degree so that he/she could get theirs"
Cat, I think you are right to ponder at least a few "what ifs." It isn't being paranoid. It is only good sense to work through the really important unknowns before you get married. My dad's done a lot of premarital counseling, and the take home message, from what I have gathered, is that it's just good insurance to have worked out as much stuff beforehand as possible. Obviously flexibility is a necessity, but you're smart to at least think it through.
That being said, I wouldn't stress about it too much. Think about it, talk about it, and try to come to a tentative conclusion that makes you both happy enough...but you already know this: You and TJ love each other to pieces, and you will be married and spend your lives together. Things will work out because you two have love as well as the communication tools you need to get through the tough stuff.
I know, but U of Iowa also only lets in 25% of their class as out-of-state people, and they have to have a 3.7 or higher and a 20 on the DAT. I wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting in.
On a totally unrelated note....
Wouldn't you love to someday be a college admissions person? I would not allow the 4.0 snobby kids with mommy and daddy's money in. I would return their application with a stamp that says, sorry, you were to stuck up to go to school here. I would let in the kids with a little less gpa, but with all the hope and prayer in their eyes, and with good reasons. (My grades dipped a semester because my dad died, but I didn't quit, I stayed with it; My fiance and I would like to continue our education, but would like to not be long distance anymore) Yeah, I realize my ass would get fired, but I think that alumni that were given that one chance, would do more than the snobby "well my mom is a dr and my dad is a lawyer, and they said I could be either one" kids.
What did you get on the DAT Cathy? Didn't you recently re-take it?
I agree! I would love to do admissions like that!
I am planning on taking the DAT in November. I should really get on the ball with that again...
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