what's on my mind

Not much has happened in the past couple of days to warrant a new blog entry, I just felt like typing. I take the DAT this coming Thursday and I'm not sure how ready I am. I have been looking over the stuff like crazy, and I took a practice round of the thing and improved my score since last time, but- wait, I'm not going to think about it like that. If I get myself worked up, I usually get this paralyzing fear which makes me not want to look at the stuff. It's weird and ass-backwards, I know, but it's something I do. I can't wait until I'm done with it though. Then I can finish my grad school and hygiene apps, and be all done with that shit until they eventually send me their fateful letters. I've been trying to figure out what to do if I don't get in to either type of school. I know I'll move in with TJ, but then what? I don't want to work a dead end job and get stuck with that. I don't know how many more useless classes I can handle taking just to try to impress dental schools again, or what it would take to get me into hygiene school after that point. At least I'll be with TJ. I'm afraid I won't be able to put forth enough money to hold up my end of things in the household. I believe in an equal partnership, so if he's making all the money and paying for everything, I feel as though I'm not holding up my end of the deal, mooching, which I absolutely hate the feeling of when I do. Plus I don't want a "tab" brought against me. He's never done it before, but I have this fear that when I do start making money, I'll have this guilt that I should start paying for everything in order to make up for however much he took care of. He wouldn't do that, it's just an irrational fear, but money problems scare the shit outta me. Past personal experience I guess...